Splitting up as a married couple is a challenge, but splitting up as a family is a completely different playing field. It can stir up emotions that will be difficult to control and the stress may at times be unbearable. Rest assured if you’re seeking some professional and personal guidance on some steps you can take to help with your case then follow these key principles.

PUT THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILDREN FIRST AT ALL TIMES

You’re going through a divorce for a reason – and a big one is likely because you don’t see eye-to-eye. That is likely going to be the case with a custody battle and in most cases even moreso. Neither parent is going to want to give up any rights and will stand strong in their wants. At the end of the day, this is about the children not your emotions about one another. No matter what emotion you’re feeling, ask yourself “is this in the best interest of my child/children”. In any time you are making a decision to act that should always be the question that you keep top of mind. If both parents can do this, put the best interest of the children first (at all times and in everything), then you will be surprised at the level of compromise that comes to play. 

DON’T EXAGGERATE THE OTHER PARENTS WEAKNESSES, FAULTS OR MISTAKES

The phrase holds true “no one is perfect”. We are all human and part of being human consists of weaknesses, faults and mistakes. When you’re wrapped up in the emotions of the divorce and fighting the custody battle you may feel compelled to exaggerate the other parents weaknesses, faults or mistakes. Do not do this. Not only will the court likely see through this, it will also negatively affect the children. Express these as they are, but do not exaggerate them.

DON’T IGNORE OR EXCUSE THE OTHER PARENTS WEAKNESSES, FAULTS OR MISTAKES

On the other hand, it is also important that you not ignore or excuse the other parents weaknesses, faults or mistakes. This is especially true  if it will impact the children’s safety and well-being. It is important that the living situation be a stable environment for the child. This all goes back to the main core principle — what is in the best interest of the children. And that is what will steer the direction of the outcome of the case.

DO YOU NEED LEGAL SUPPORT WITH YOUR CUSTODY CASE?

After nearly 30 years of practicing law and representing clients in over 50 counties throughout the great state of Texas, we are grateful to still be going strong with offices in Pasadena, Bastrop and Schulenburg.

I hope to provide real change for those in need in all of the communities I serve, and I thank all the people who have made it possible for me to do what I love, including my family, friends, community and above all, God.

We represent clients in all types of family law matters — like custody cases, personal injury/wrongful death cases, and criminal defense. Our phones are open 24/7 to any clients or individuals who feel they may need my assistance. Also, consultations are always free, regardless of the situation. God bless and thank you all.

Contact us at 9797434153 if you’d like to set up a call to talk about your case and see if we’re a good fit. We’re here to help.

*Main Office is located in Schulenburg Texas. With additional offices in Bastrop and Pasadena. All office locations are staffed by appointment only.

Getting a divorce is by no means easy — it’s very complex in fact — and when children are involved there is an added layer of difficulty that should never be taken lightly. Not only have I been practicing law in Texas for 30 years, but I’ve also been fortunate enough to be a single father and raise my children. With that in mind, I have developed strong beliefs on what divorcing parents should and shouldn’t do.

This post will not cover every single avenue and detail about a family going through a divorce but it will cover three core areas to pay attention to and key do’s and don’ts to consider when you’re going through a divoce with children involved..

LOOK AT THE WORLD THROUGH THE EYES OF THE CHILD(REN)

This concept is challenging and requires maturity but it is what is in their best interest and will keep you focused on what’s important. There will always be challenges in dealing with a relationship and with a divorce there’s not much time for grieving over the relationship. The children should be put first and proving to the court that you care most about what’s in their best interest; not wrapped up in emotions that will arise during the divorce. 

One common theme to pay attention to is fear. It’s very scary for a child to witness the two people they feel as their security no longer together. Depending on the age and the personality, the child’s fear will manifest in their own ways and it’s up to the parent to pay attention. One child could try and impress the parent while the other child might rebel and act out. One child will be outgoing and “always busy” while the other will isolate and keep to him/herself. One child might talk to each parent about why/how they can stay together while the other child might give the silent treatment.  One thing that’s inevitable in the divorce is change and let’s face it — change is never easy for anyone whether you’re a child, adolescent, young adult or adult. In childhood, it’s even more difficult because you don’t have the experience, tools or mental development to navigate it all. Children find security in their parents and when a divorce occurs they will experience a wide range of emotions. If the child is of age that they want to talk about it, let them express themselves and process it with you. There may be times when seeking outside help is necessary and that can be very helpful during this difficult life changing time. 

EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL BE SCRUTINIZED

This goes for anything that will affect the children in a positive or negative light from your finances, managing money, deciding what lawyer to hire, who you’re going to date, where you’re going to live, everything.  The court will be looking at everything in great detail and it all boils down to one thing; making sure everything is about putting the children first. Where you work matters. What school you choose matters. Even who you date matters. Dating someone who you can’t defend in public who has either a criminal record, drug or alcohol issues, and/or doesn’t have a job, will not look good for you in court and, more importantly, will not likely be good for your children. So be mindful and remember the core principle when making lifestyle choices — look through the lens of the child.

SHOW YOUR CHILDREN YOU RESPECT THE OTHER PARENT

You are painting a picture for your children on how people should treat each other (especially when it comes to relationships). Not only this, but each parent is important to the child no matter how you feel about one another. They shouldn’t hear any negativity about the other parent. The only time this is remotely acceptable is with exception of danger or  illegal conduct. 

Have common courtesy and be respectful. Don’t withhold information about the kids to gain any advantage. Remember, even though you’re splitting up, you’ll be parents together forever. 

Many of the do’s and don’ts of parenting during a divorce stem from the three core areas already discussed above. Here are some of those critical ones that I have seen over the course of my career as an attorney and in my own personal experience as well.

DON’TS

Don’t talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children. You can’t take back the marks you make on a child’s mind with your words.

Don’t get so caught up in your grieving of the relationship and negative emotions that you put the child in the path of emotional harm by retaliating against the other parent.

Don’t jump into another relationship for the wrong reasons . Remember that even the person you end up dating during the divorce will be scrutinized through the process.

DO’S

Do be mindful of who you get into a relationship with and set expectations that it
will take time for your child to accept a new relationship. 

Do put yourself in the children’s shoes and look at the world from their perspective and what’s in their best interest. This is scary for them and how you handle it matters.

Do give the children space to express themselves about how the divorce is affecting them but on their terms. If age appropriate let them know they can talk to someone and set them up with a therapist.

After nearly 30 years of practicing law and representing clients in over 50 counties throughout the great state of Texas, we are grateful to still be going strong. 

Contact us if you’d like to set up a call to talk about your case and see if we’re a good fit. We’re here to help.